How was your Labor Day?  Mine was exhausting!  Jeremy & I accidentally hiked 4 miles.  And before you say–”What the f*ck!  How can anyone accidentally hike 4 miles?!”–please keep in mind that this is me we are talking about.  God knows that if anyone can do it, I certainly can.

 So almost every weekend, Jeremy & I reenact the vulture scene from the Jungle Book trying to figure out what we’re gonna do.  You know the one……  Well, I decided that Labor Day weekend was gonna be different.  When we got up that morning, J asked…”So what are we gonna do today?”  And instead of my usual response, “I don’t know baby, what do you wanna do?” (and so on and so forth for about 2 hours)–I decided to surprise him & teach a lesson all at the same time.  (My trickery should have been the first indication that the day would not go as planned)  I suggested a hike up on Petit Jean mountain.  Yes…me…hiking.  Hard to believe–I know.

Thanks to Gustav, the temperature was mild, but the humidity was killer–which of course, made my hair start to curl up.  Once we got there, we perused the pamphlets trying to pick which hike we would do.  J’s suggestion was one of the easy ones–since neither of us are outdoor type people.  For the record…I HATE the outdoors!  I hate all the creepy-crawly, dusty, dirty, itchy, scratchy crap that comes with the outdoors.  But, it was something to try & we had the time.  After reading through all of the trails, J picked one that was easy and I picked one that was pretty.  Skill level required for the hike was not factored into my decision.  I mean, afterall, all of the hikes I’ve been on (a grand total of 2) were nothing more than a walk through the woods on a path.  Not too bad.  And because J is genuinely a sweetheart, he let me pick the trail–with great caution about the skill level, and navigate the map (big mistake).

So after navigating us in the complete opposite direction for almost half a mile, I realized the error and we turned back in the right direction.  Oops!  :)  We were greeted at the trail entrance by this…

Undeterred by the sign, we started the hike–which began with 8 switchbacks descending over 200 feet down the side of a mountain.  And because I was “in the zone,” I did not read that the only way out once you reached the waterfall, was……BACK THE WAY YOU CAME.  Geez!  I also didn’t read that this would be a 4 mile hike.  Nor did I think to bring water with us.  Or my inhaler.  Or an epi-pen for J.  Yes…I have asthma and he has been battling with allergic reactions to an unknown cause for several weeks now.  I think it’s safe to say that we were perhaps–unprepared.  But we were troopers; and though we both wanted to collapse before we even got there, we made it to the waterfall.

It was beautiful!!!  And just about the time we sat down to cool off and enjoy the sights, J broke out head-to-toe in hives.  Yeesh!  So after no more than 5 minutes of rest, off we go–back to where we came from.  And if you think it’s difficult to keep your footing while descending over 200 feet down the mountain…you should try going up over 200 feet.  Halfway up the mountain I felt an asthma attack coming on so we stopped to rest.  Once it passed, I felt vomit coming on so we stopped to rest.  I thought we would never get to the top of the f*cking mountain!!!  Tell me again why I thought this had been a good idea?  Our romantic Labor Day getaway faded into gallons of sweat, hives, dehydration, asthma attacks, bug bites, dirt, weezing, and leg cramps.  Do I know how to plan a date or what!

By the time we got to the car, there was no mistake that the mountain had kicked both of our asses.  And the waterfall was beautiful, but next time I’ll opt for the quarter-mile walk to the overlook instead.  One thing is for sure though…I highly doubt that J will ask me what I wanna do this weekend

Okay, so I promise I’m not suddenly allergic to posting…I’ve just been really busy.  Hey–speaking of allergies–did I mention that J is currently approaching week 2 of battling an allergic reaction!?  To what…we don’t know.  Multiple laundry detergents, shampoos, and doses of Benadryl later, we still have no source.  He goes for allergy testing in September. 

Work has been Hell!!!  I know every office has their bitches, but the ones in my office are seriously wearing me down.  There’s only so much you can ask an Irish girl to take before she explodes on the psycho whores around her.  And I’m still battling with idiot career services girl.  I’ve been interviewing interns all week, each interview the same as the last.  Seriously, since when did it stop becoming necessary for people to actually have work experience prior to graduation?  I’m absolutely baffled.  Next week starts our big fall fundraiser–which means I’ll be basically working EVERY day for the next 2 weeks.  The week the fundraiser ends, I begin on-campus interviews with intern candidates at the University close to my office.  What fun!  A week full of all-day interviews with people my age calling me ma’am.  I know I shouldn’t bitch…it’s the courteous way to address a female in the south, but seriously…do I look like a ma’am.  I mean…look at my freakin’ shoes for the love of God man!!!  You know a ma’am doesn’t wear spike heels!

Anywho, the week after all the ma’aming, I’ll be flying to San Antonio for a work conference for a week.  While I’m sure I’ll really enjoy the conference, it’s the ‘leaving my home and my job with so much left to do’ parts that bother me.  On the brightside, it gives me a really good excuse to buy that pink luggage set at TJ Maxx I saw the other day :)  Oh yeah–also next week I’ll be taking on my first CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) case and just between you and me…I’m scared shitless.  Let’s hope I’m not making a mistake.

Well, I suppose I’ve done enough whining for now.  I’m off to watch Big Brother 10.  Anyone else addicted to that show?  Seriously, oh my freakin’ GOD I’m so hooked it’s unreal!!!  Oh and by the way…less than 48 hours until the Razorbacks kick off the season.  Woo……..Pig Sooie!

Is August the national “Incompetency one-upper” month?  Because if so, someone really should have sent me the memo and I would have given up on trying to accomplish anything this month long ago.  I mean seriously…how do *so* many people spend 40 hours a week at a job and still not have a rat’s ass of a clue on how to do that job!?  It’s beyond infuriating!!!

So part of my job is heading the internship program for our organization.  And by heading…I mean handling everything from helping to create the position, to interviewing, hiring, and managing each position.  And because our internship program has literally tripled in size since I’ve come on board, this is no easy task to undertake.  Complicated by the fact that this is not my only responsibility at work.  So needless to say…efficiency is of the essence to me.  Now–don’t get me wrong–I understand that not everyone works at the same pace as I do.  And I also understand that some people take longer to catch onto things than others do.  But…I have zero tolerance for incompetency!!!

Because of my job I work very closely with area colleges and Universities.  And most of the time, this works out rather nicely.  However–I cannot for the life of me fathom how a University that boasts one of the highest budgets in the state does not seem to have the budget to hire someone capable of doing what is expected of them.  The Career Services department of any college should be one of its most efficient departments.  And considering this particular Career Services department has money coming out of every crevice possible–I simply do not understand why they are having a Secretary perform the responsibilities of the Director.  I have spent the last 2 weeks doing battle with this Secretary over the credit approval of one of my internships.  And only today…after 2 weeks of asking what the problem is…did I learn from the History department that a film internship had been sent to them for credit approval.  So–I checked with the Mass Communications department, and sure enough…my History internship had been sent to them for approval.  What!!!  What!!!  What!!!  A frickin’ monkey would have known better! 

Then…when I asked idiot Career Services girl what the source of the mix-up was…she stated that she didn’t know.  Of course!!!  How could I possibly expect you to know when you were the frickin’ one who sent those internships to the wrong departments!!  I mean really!  So basically, there’s 2 weeks of my life that I’ve wasted–never to be seen again.  You know…not that I had any other work to get done.  Yeesh!

And can I just ask…when did it become appropriate to toss your *used* tampon in the top of the trash can?  And without even attempting to throw a paper towel over it so that other people didn’t have to stare at mother nature’s finest as we wash our hands.  I guess I shouldn’t be too surprised.  This is–afterall–the same woman who talks about the proper way to collect horse semen–at the lunch table!  And it is the same woman who has taken to wearing mini skirts to work because she’s lost 30-40 pounds.  Hey, I’m all about flaunting your achievements.  But wearing a mini skirt over 40 is definitely *not* fashion-forward!

Life in an office is not *nearly* as fun as it looks on tv sometimes.

When walking through the halls at work, it’s not altogether uncommon to hear from a coworker, “What’d ya know?”  This is a phrase that I hadn’t really ever heard until I started working here–and it seems a little strange to me.  But, hey–at least they’re being friendly.  So here are just a few things I know (in no particular order)…

I know that driving side-by-side on motorcycles so you can converse with each other– while driving down the road–does NOT seem like a good idea to me.  And yet…I see it happen all the time around town.  What gives?

I know that when you have an item on your menu titled, “The Big Salad,” you should probably be aware of it so that when people call to order that particular item, it doesn’t turn into a 20 minute ordeal about which large salad the caller wants.  “No really…I know all of your salads are large–however–I want the one called The Big Salad.  And yes…it’s on your menu listed that way.”  This was an actual conversation I had with one of the nicest restaurants in town today.  Seriously…have your employees lay off the hash and read the menu once in awhile!

I know that putting a short person in a large SUV exacerbates their “little person complex.”  Case-in-point, my new Trailblazer makes me feel like a Lego person in a Tonka truck.  Every time I’m stuck in traffic I have the sudden urge to just ram the person in front of me to move them out of my way.  It’s the kind of rush I just didn’t get from my Hyundai. *sigh*

I know that the DMV seems to be the popular hang-out for VERY large women in VERY small sports bras and spandex bicycle shorts.  Yuck!

I know that a quick trip to Wal-Mart…A) is never a quick trip, and B) has the ability to make even the most rational person turn into Michael Douglas in the movie Falling Down.

I know that every day in my office is like an episode of Seinfeld…only with really catty people.

I know that thanks to my clumsy, obese lab, Molly, OnStar is my new best friend.  Honestly, how many times in your life can you say that your dog is really the reason that in the last 6 days you have been both–locked out of your new car and set your alarm off with no way to disable it.

I know that eating ice cream while exercising on your elliptical does not–in fact–cancel out the calories.

I also know that hopping on the elliptical just moments after eating ice cream is so not a good idea.

I know that being a true Arkansas Razorbacks fan means being willing to stick your neck out, get your ass kicked, or even worse–eating crow.  I just had a shirt made for the LSU game that reads…”LSWho?”  This is slightly better than my shirt for when we play the Texas Longhorns.  It has a Longhorn symbol on the front with the horns broken, and the back reads…”And I shall break the horns of the wicked.”  In my defense, I really hate the Texas Longhorns.

I know that someday, somehow, somewhere…Jeremy will learn to appreciate having a girlfriend that’s obsessed with football.

Okay…maybe I don’t actually know that last one–but here’s to hoping that nightly Sportscenter viewing will bring him around.

*Sigh*

So last week was hell, and though this week is shaping up to be MUCH better, training to be a CASA advocate is seriously kicking my butt!  Training is from 5:30-8:30pm, so basically I’m gone from 8:00am-9:00pm practically every day because I work from 8:00am-4:30pm.  In the meantime, there are still friends, housework, Jeremy, and dog issues that must be scheduled and/or dealt with.  My sleeping habits are totally out of whack because I’m usually up late doing my homework for training the next day.  And my eating habits are totally screwed because I’ve been so tired lately, I never make the time for breakfast.  Work has been crazy and my lunch break has now become the only possible time I have to run errands throughout the week…so food is no longer a priority.  And, I have this weird issue with eating food prepared by people I don’t know–so eventhough CASA provides dinner for us–I won’t eat it because I don’t know if the person who prepared it has a cat…which may or may not live on the stove.  Call me crazy…but it is a genuine and very real concern to me.  And yes–my own OCD tendencies make me wonder how I even leave my house sometimes without the solace of a plastic bubble.

Moving on.  My roommate and I have managed to work out a schedule for the dog situation that is helpful to both of us.  I have a chocolate lab that is 4 and a pit bull (who thinks he’s a Yorkie) that is 3, so mine are completely housebroken.  However, she has a puppy that is 6 months old, so potty issues are still a major concern…especially when they are in the house all day.  So I come home at lunch and let my two dogs and her one dog out to use the bathroom.  Then I promptly go back to work.  As soon as work ends, I come straight home to feed the dogs then off to CASA I go.  My roommate gets off work after I’ve already left for CASA, so she is in charge of making sure the puppy/pit bull play fights don’t get too rowdy, etc., etc.

Typically, my pit bull, Zeus, is a complete diva and will only eat certain flavors and brands of dog food and only at certain times of the day.  Once again, he thinks he’s a Yorkie.  Tonight, however, apparently he had a craving for rope.  So he completely demolished a rope toy he had and devoured it.  And like people who crave things that aren’t really good for them…he had a bit of a…well…”problem” digesting it.  I know this for a fact because when I got home tonight, my roommate told me that I may want to keep an eye on him because he was having some “problems.”  When I asked what sort of “problems” he was having, she explained to me that after repeated failed attempts at using the bathroom, Zeus came to her with a piece of rope dangling from his…well…to put it bluntly, his ass.  Now, I can’t imagine how disgusting this ordeal was to witness firsthand.  But I do know that hearing it secondhand is hilarious.  And after watching him struggle with the rope for awhile, she went into the yard and stepped on the rope that was touching the ground, then scared Zeus away so he would be free from the string.

Just take a moment and process that.

She is perhaps a much better roommate than I realized–because despite my overwhelming love and compassion for animals–I’m not completely sure I could have done the same for my own dog.  And it’s comical to me, because I clearly only thought I was having it rough.  In the event that I ever put my fear aside and eat food that other people have prepared–cat hair, by comparison, is a much, much better alternative.

So I recently started training to be a CASA volunteer.  For those of you who don’t know–CASA stands for Court Appointed Special Advocate.  Becoming a CASA is not simply a matter of showing up.  It involves a rigorous screening/interviewing process, 3 weeks of training–10 hours each week–being sworn in by a Judge, then committing to one year (at least) of service.  In that year, an advocate will be assigned at least one (but probably more) case involving an abused or neglected child.  An advocate must also commit to work on his/her assigned case for a MINIMUM of 10 hours a month–including–home visits, school visits, visits with the child, etc. etc. etc.  The role of a CASA is to advocate for what is best for the child–without regard to our own moral standards.  Period.  That is the single most important thing.

And you would think, that because that is clearly defined, CASA would typically attract those people who are interested in speaking up for a child because they are unbiased about certain issues and simply want what is best for a child.  For instance, in our second training class, we were asked if we could advocate for a child to be placed in a home with a gay or lesbian couple.  My opinion:  ABSOLUTELY!  Why?  Because I believe that a gay or lesbian couple is completely capable and has every right to raise a child.  And I would certainly rather see the child live with a gay or lesbian couple than go back home with a parent who has been abusive or neglectful.

But I suppose in every group of people, it’s inevitable that you will get one person who is a complete know-it-all, but has never bothered to look outside their own comfort zone and see what reality is for some people.  There is a know-it-all, loud, opinionated, ignorant, half-wit sorority girl in my training class who fits the bill.  She is 20 years old, drives a Lexus that Mommy & Daddy bought her, is uber-Republican right wing, and was born & raised here in our lovely little community.  So realistically, how well-rounded of a person do you think she is?  NOT VERY!  But yet…she insists on giving her uneducated, unwarranted opinion on every single topic we have covered so far. 

Well, tonight we discussed cultural competence.  As you can imagine–this was a particularly fun topic with anorexic Barbie.  And of course, I’m not one to bite my tongue–so things got a little…well…animated at times.  There is only so much ignorance I can take before I speak up.  But once I spoke up, Barbie bitch decided that all she had to do was talk louder to prove her point.  I wanted so badly to just tell her, “Look, you knock-off anorexic Barbie bitch!!!  I’m f*cking Irish, so I can do this shit all night!  Now shut the f*ck up and let’s get back to the f*cking class topic so we can all go f*cking home sometime tonight!!!”  But calmer heads prevailed and we finally finished the class and went home for the night.

It’s going to be a long three weeks… 

You’ve heard the saying, “…missed the bus,” right?  Well I’m beginning to think that maybe I didn’t *miss* the bus, but rather, I got on the *wrong* bus.  Okay, bear with me, it’ll make sense in a minute.

Against my better judgment and everyone else’s advice, I married my high school sweetheart after my freshman year of college.  At the time, I was just a dumb kid wanting something I had never had…stability and a sense of family.  And I *thought* he was the one that could provide those things for me.  I had come from a broken home–his parents were happily married.  I was anorexic and bulimic and had self-esteem issues–he told me I was gorgeous.  Etc., etc., etc.  You get the point.  But to be honest, part of me felt like it wouldn’t work.  Part of me didn’t want to commit to this person–who was selfish, lazy, and close-minded far more often than he was anything else.  And part of me just didn’t care.  I felt like perhaps I could make it work if when things got rough. 

And as predicted…they did.  But rough is a word that cannot even begin to describe just how bad it got.  Trust was betrayed, promises were broken, hurtful words were said, and detrimental actions were committed.  When all was said and done–I was devastated.  Not because of the actual divorce…but because of all the collateral damage that was done in the process.  Affairs that left me feeling “not good enough,” and fights that made me think “am I not worth the effort?”

So there I was.  At a time when all of my friends were getting engaged, married, having children, or at least talking about starting a family–I was all alone and starting over.  I couldn’t help but feel like I had “missed the bus.”

Enter Jeremy.  For the first time in a long time, I have someone who loves me (and tells me so a million times a day).  Life is good.  But there are still times when I feel isolated.  It’s like that episode of Sex and the City, where the girls all go to a party where everyone is either engaged or married.  They were outcasts right from the start because everyone was wondering *why* they were single.  They shoot single people, don’t they?

Most of the time, my weekend plans are dependent upon whether or not my friends can get a babysitter, or whether it can be a group thing so everyone’s husbands can come.  It becomes too much of a hassle, so I have a small inner circle that I do stuff with, who are single and a babysitter is not an issue.  And I’m not saying anything against my friends.  That’s life.  That’s what you do.  You grow up, get married, and have babies (though not always in that order).  It just puts us on separate sides of the island.  My side is filled with shoes, the latest fashion trends, and gossip magazines; while theirs is filled with preschool, couple-friends, and bedtimes.  But it works.  We all seem to be happy with our place in life right now.

That’s not to say that there aren’t times when I feel left out.  Or times when I wish I still had someone at home with me every evening.  But for the most part, life is good.  Really, really good.  I used to always say “I missed the bus.”  But now I don’t really think I did.  I think I just got on the *wrong*bus.  My bus was going straight ahead, then took a detour, then looped around to the beginning.  However, buses are not the only mode of transportation.  There are lots of ways to get to your destination.  And who wants to be on a nasty, stinky bus anyways?!  I think I would prefer to travel through my life in a Porsche

…with Jenn.  Sorry guys, I hope you weren’t expecting Norm MacDonald, Amy Poehler, Tina Fey, or Jimmy Fallon.  Though I will say that should Jimmy Fallon enter anywhere near my vicinity–naughty things will inevitably ensue.  Sorry Jeremy…he’s on my “hard 5 list.”

I figured since it’s been a week since I’ve posted, I will give you an update.  Here goes:

Issues with Lowe’s–resolved after much bitching, yelling, and threatening from me.  When your own father calls you a bitch, you know something has gone terribly wrong.  Or in this particular case…right.

Weekend getaway with Jeremy–crappy hotel!  To summarize: ”hot tub” that was actually a regular bath tub with jets…that didn’t work; a funky smell in the room due to a leaking air conditioner…which also made part of the carpet wet to the point of squishiness–gross; “lodge style” decor that was actually from the 80’s; peeling wallpaper; suite which consisted of a microwave 5 feet from the bed; a vanity with missing lightbulbs and snot from a previous guest wiped on the mirror.

On the brightside…none of that really made me want to blow a gasket.  I’m not sure if I was just simply worn down from fighting with Lowe’s in the days prior, or if I was just honestly so happy to be on a trip far away from all distractions with Jeremy–but something made me just really happy to be there, regardless of the room.  The trip made me realize just how lucky I am to have him.  Such a trooper!  Twelve hours of shopping–which included prolonged time in Tommy Hilfiger and Coach–and zero complaints from J.  How impressive is that!  The 3 hour trip there and back were spent talking…the entire time.  It was nice to have that with someone.  And God love him…he knows just how to handle the wild beast I become when I get overheated.  I work in an air-conditioned office for a reason.  On day 2, just at the very moment when I was about to pummel some poor unsuspecting victim simply for walking slowly in front of me…he handed me an iced lemonade.  Now that’s refreshing!  On the way back into town, we stopped to visit his grandparents–only to discover that a majority of his extended family was there as well.  Nothing like baptism by fire.  But I adore his family and particularly the stories they told me about J when he was young…so definitely worth it.

Going back to work on Monday was terrible!  My weekend wasn’t long enough.  But at least now I’m even more excited about our vacation in the fall. 

J has had a terrible ear infection for the last few days…so I played nurse.  And no–I don’t mean “nurse” like what you would expect in a cheap porn…I mean “nurse” like what you would expect from someone who loves you very much and brings you meds while you remain curled up in bed with a pit bull who thinks he’s a Yorkie.  The jury is still out on whether Zeus cuddles while you’re sick because he cares, or if it’s a prime opportunity to snuggle up in a blanket without anyone trying to bother him.  Either way, it’s cute.

Football news:  Matt Jones, former quarterback for the Razorbacks, was discovered in Fayetteville with cocaine.  Boo hiss!  As if Arkansas athletes haven’t had enough bad press in the last couple of months.  I do find it ironic, however, that after all of the attention was given to DMac and his supposedly “thug” ways, it was Arkansas’ own golden boy who ended up getting into real trouble. 

Proud moment of the week:  Today.  Driving 50 miles to look at a car and then walking out of a dealership without it.  I–alone–spent 4 1/2 hours dealing with 2 salesMEN on a vehicle that would have been a complete luxury item, before telling them to go screw themselves and call me when they learned to listen to what I was saying.  Honestly, since when does “I’m looking for a Chevy Trailblazer,” translate to “I would take a Tahoe or a Caravan.”  Do I look like a freakin’ minivan person?!  And for the love of God…when gas is $4 a gallon, why in the hell would I want a Tahoe!  But it was fun to watch the look on their faces when they realized that while I may have walked in “just a girl” sporting heels and wearing pink, I could argue & haggle just like a man.  Sometimes what you see is not what you get

So my much-anticipated weekend getaway with Jeremy is finally here!  We have a king suite with a jacuzzi booked that is just waiting with our names on it.  I am so excited!  Over the last few months, I have needed a vacation more than anything in the world.  And even though this isn’t actually a vacation–it’s still a romantic weekend away with the person I’m absolutely in love with.

And it couldn’t come at a better time.  For the last week, I’ve been involved in Battle Royale with Lowe’s Home Improvement Store.  Because apparently when you spend $1500 on brand new, top-of-the-line, stainless steel appliances–you shouldn’t actually expect them to work.  I live less than one half mile from Lowe’s, and yet they still charged me $60 for delivery.  And because my dad–Gob bless him–is a pro and very capable of installing appliances, I opted out of the $109 charge–per appliance–for installation.  So on Monday my brand new dishwasher, range, and over-the-range microwave arrived at my house……..three hours late………after I had taken off work early to make sure I would be home when they arrived.  That got me off to a rough start.  But then Tuesday, dad came over to install all three–which should have been a very simple process for somebody who knows what they’re doing.  However, he couldn’t get the dishwasher to stop leaking and by the time he did, it was too late to install the other items.  So Wednesday, I got home from work to discover that the brand new dishwasher was once again leaking.  And when dad showed up to install the other appliances–he had to instead fix the dishwasher.  So by the time this was done, all he had time to do was install the range. 

Thinking all was fixed with the dishwasher, I loaded it Wednesday night and turned it on.  However–what actually happened was that my brand new dishwasher went through every cycle without washing anything.  So Thursday, plumber-friend in toe, dad comes back over to fix the dishwasher.  Keep in mind–this dishwasher has now kept other things from getting done and now has made the dirty dishes even worse by high-temperature heat drying the crusted on food.  It’s going to take a miracle to get the dishes clean now!  Plumber-friend pulls the dishwasher out and looks it over top-to-bottom about a million times.  Diagnosis:  faulty from the factory.  Just my luck!

So I called Lowe’s, thinking that they would come right out and do everything in their power to correct the sale of a faulty appliance.  WRONG!!!  What I was told was that they would bring me a new dishwasher–however–the only way they would guarantee that it would work is if I agree to pay the $109 installation fee.  Otherwise, I will be responsible for pulling the broken one, disposing of it, installing the new one, and going through this whole thing again if it doesn’t work.  That, to me, sounds like a racket!!!  So I was on the phone for an hour last night debating the issue with the CSR.  At the end of the conversation, I had decided that the only thing that would compensate for my inconvenience and money spent would be if they got their sorry asses out here and did a free installation.  The CSR must have thought that if he repeated the same two sentences over and over–eventually I would give in.  WRONG!!!  My father–who witnessed the call–had only one word to say about my end of the conversation when it was over……”bitch!”  Apparently I was a big one (and rightfully so). 

So today, I’m packing for my weekend trip (with new lingerie no less), and waiting on a manager call from Lowe’s.  And should I not receive the manager call from Lowe’s–I will be up there first thing Monday morning when I return.  But for this weekend, my much-needed “away” time with my boyfriend will be all that I’m focusing on.  I will keep you posted on the Lowe’s adventure.  Hell hath no fury like a pissed off homeowner!

So I’ve been told by three different people in the last two weeks that I’m quirky and random.  Not that those are bad things…but I’m not sure if they are exactly great things either.  So lucky you–I’ve decided to share my randomness with you.  And, considering I’m one of the only people I know who hasn’t posted a survey as a blog yet, I figured it was long overdue.  Enjoy!

 My dream job:  to be a Professional Sports Writer.  Not as in Wally Hall of the Arkansas Democrat Gazette…but as in Rick Reilly, formerly of Sports Illustrated.  Honestly–who doesn’t love him?

My biggest irrational fear:  I have several.  Dirt, fake animals dressed in clothing (and yes–they do exist), splinters.  Oh, and also, I have this strange fear that every time I pass someone on a bicycle they are going to fall off and I will accidentally hit them–therefore, causing their death.  Okay, strange I know.

Biggest animal/insect phobia:  Once again, several.  Are you noticing a trend here?  Moths, birds, flies, worms, slugs, spiders, snakes, fish, gnats, bats, anything that flies.  Honestly, it’s a miracle I even leave my house sometimes.

Favorite color:  pink–but only certain shades.  I don’t like carnation pink, mauve, or rose.  I like electric pink or pink sapphire.

Favorite flower:  daisies–specifically, pink gerbera daisies

Least favorite flower:  carnations

Character flaw:  definitely more than one.  I’m such a control freak that I physically cannot make myself use the cruise control on my SUV.  True story.  Also, I expect people to be as conscientious as I am.  I’m typically very hard on others and tend to have a no-nonsense way of thinking.

One thing that attracts me the most:  eyes. 

One thing that I get complimented the most on:  eye color.  My eye doctor always refers to my eye color as ‘ice blue’

Something I wish I would have stuck with:  nursing.  Imagine the money I could be making by now…*sigh*

Place I want to visit the most:  Italy–anywhere in Italy.  Oh, and also Ireland.

Place I want to visit the least:  China/Japan/anywhere in Asia

Something I say all of the time:  “It is what it is.”

I go to bed watching:  Sportscenter

Disney character I identify the most with:  sadly…Merlin from the Sword in the Stone.  Nothing EVER goes right for him–but it usually turns out funny for everyone who’s watching

Names of my fictitious children:  first of all…they are fictitious because I don’t want children.  Ever!  Boy name-Asher Jacob.  Girl name-Ava Jillian.

Celebrity I am compared to the most:  the character Carrie Bradshaw from Sex and the City.  Seriously–it’s an everyday occurrence.

Who would play me in a movie:  Kate Hudson

Hair color:  I have three.  Alternating dark brown, platinum blonde, and Razorback red.  Go hogs!

Person I would most like to meet:  Manolo Blahnik or David Ortiz (Big Papi from the Red Sox)

Number one on my “wanna have sex with” list:  Chipper Jones (3rd baseman for the Atlanta Braves)

Something I’m dying to get:  Royal blue Manolo Blahnik heels or my pink gerbera daisy tattoo that I’m too scared to get

Favorite movie:  You’ve Got Mail

Something I get teased about a lot:  the fact that I’m clueless when it comes to daily news/headlines/current events–but I can quote stats from almost any sporting event in the last month.  Many of my guy friends ask for my advice with their Fantasy Football teams.

Most embarrassing injury:  too many to think of.  Either the time when an econo-size bottle of dog shampoo fell from the top of my shower and broke my foot–or last year, when I tripped in a parking lot (over absolutely nothing) and did a pile drive on my elbow, thereby breaking it.  But my PT was a total hottie so all was not lost

Ocean or lake:  neither.  I like to look at the ocean, but I don’t like the way the sand feels on my feet and I won’t swim in either because things have died in that water.

City or country:  I’m a complete city-girl, even though I grew up in rural Arkansas.  I never honestly fit in there though. 

Number of shoes in my collection:  62 pairs…and growing

Item I can’t resist buying:  strappy sandals with a heel

Favorite season:  Fall–hello…football season!

Favorite holiday:  Halloween

Something I’ve never done and won’t do:  walked around with my bare feet

Something I’ve never done and want to do:  sky dive

Time I laughed the hardest:  When I came home last summer to discover that my obese chocolate lab named Molly was wedged in under the deck and couldn’t possibly get out.  Even though it resulted in having to take my deck apart, board-by-board, it was still comical.

Things I collect:  shoes (ha ha), Hallmark Christmas ornaments, holiday villages, Sports Illustrated magazines, office supplies.  Okay, not really on that last one.  But I have a very serious obsession with office supplies.

Things I like:  shopping (especially for shoes), animals (mostly dogs), music, making Tiramisu (tastes so good it’ll make you wanna slap your momma), Chevy Trailblazers, the smell of a freshly cut lawn, spring, the sounds at a football game, the smell of grilling out, fried rice, the Razorbacks, the New Orleans Saints, dressing up, traveling, reading, sweet tea (God bless the south), the Atlanta Braves, the Boston Red Sox, fried green tomatoes, spinach, roller coasters, cleaning my house, being independent, Big Brother.

Things I dislike:  Houston Nutt, LSU Tigers & their fans, Texas Longhorns & their fans, mini vans, golf, anything touching my feet other than shoes, socks, or bed sheets, the Dallas Cowboys, meat, the New York Yankees, the outdoors, being away from my family, drama, summer (especially in Arkansas), people who drive 50 mph on the interstate, American Idol, people who have a ga-zillion kids, getting my eyebrows plucked–but it has to be done.

That’s about all I can think of.  If you need anymore randomness, just ask me.